So after my first BAP was delayed, (a rather painful
decision at the time but one that with hindsight I now know was the right
decision) I was off to Shallowford for three days where I would hope to persuade
three Bishop’s advisors that I was being called to ordained ministry in the
Church of England. Following the storm my train was cancelled, annoying yes but
it wouldn’t have been the same experience unless something catastrophic went
wrong right at the beginning.
Shallowford house is set in the middle of the Staffordshire
countryside, just outside a tiny village right next to the main train line.
Situated within large grounds, complete with a croquette lawn and chickens, the
house is an ideal place for a retreat centre.
I was fortunate enough to have a large ground floor, en suite
room complete with desk and several comfy chairs. The house comes complete with
several meeting rooms, a library, large kitchen and dinning area (the food was
absolutely fantastic!) and large open chapel where worship was held 3 times a
day throughout our stay.
After arriving and unpacking the few things I had brought I
ventured out to meet my fellow candidates. Starting with the inevitable
icebreaking activities I met the people in my group. We were a varied lot with
young and old (two others in their early twenties included), male and female,
high and low church, former parish assistants, readers and church wardens. Everyone was friendly and open which helped
us all relax into each others company, though one or two drinks in the bar
afterwards also helped!
Day two started with the group presentations which involved
everyone trying their hardest to be confrontational whilst still remaining
painfully polite to one another. Going sixth out of eight allowed me plenty of
time to get the hang of the group for my turn chairing the discussion which
helped. After that I had two of my three interviews, interviews not really
being the right word for them as they were all very relaxed and more like
intimate chats with each of the advisors. Rather then being put on the spot I
was asked a question and we discussed the answer together.
With my second day being jam packed with things my final day
was a lot calmer and more relaxed giving me plenty of time to write my pastoral
exercise and walk the grounds. My last interview was just before lunch and as
I’d finished my pastoral exercise I was free until 4pm so could unwind after
the intensity of the three days.
I was advised to act my self at the conference and thanks to
the nature of the people and the relaxed nature of the interviews I felt
perfectly able to. I wore clothes I was comfortable in including my high top
trainers, the same ones I wore under my alb at my last service as sub-deacon (I
did stop short of wearing my stripy red trousers though!). I was honest and
open and felt relaxed enough to talk about how the punk band The Dead Kennedys
had helped me discover radical Christianity and that I find it easier to find
God and the Christian message in The Death and Return of Superman, then I do in
other contemporary and classical fiction as well as talking about the more
serious side of my vocational journey.
I think that was what helped me the most; making sure I was
relaxed enough to be my self and to not be afraid to completely share myself
with the advisors.
We often try to think
that they are looking for the perfect model ordinand and we try and act like
this fabled non-existent person but as my mum pointed out, God has called you,
not the perfect ordinand, and if the advisers meet this “ideal ordinand” they
haven’t met the person that God has called.
The three day conference was probably the most stressful and
intense three days I’ve ever experienced. However they were also some of the
most enjoyable three days I’ve ever experienced. And thankfully I won’t have to
go through it all again!
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